The way you communicate with others is highly dependent on who you are basically. Your style is your social fingerprint, your communication style: how do you get your message across and how are you recognized by others? We distinguish four styles of communication. You use all four and one of the four characterizes you the most. Your conversation partners also have their own preferred style.

DO YOU GIVE SPACE OR DO YOU TAKE SPACE?

You can recognize someone who gives space by a slower speaking rate, room for the other person’s opinion, taking time for a decision, not reacting directly to what someone else is saying and often a somewhat laid-back body language.

DO YOU EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS DURING A CONVERSATION OR DO YOU KEEP THEM TO YOURSELF?

Someone who expresses feelings, talks about experience (‘I like / is annoying that…’), is relationship-oriented, often makes gestures, has a lot of facial expressions.

A person who withholds feelings is mainly task-oriented and talks about facts. Few gestures are made and there is little to read from the face.

In the next model of ‘communication styles’ you see these two axes: The axis of space and the axis of feelings. This creates four quadrants, four styles with which people communicate with each other: reflective, directive, cooperative and expressive. Everyone has all styles in them, but there is one main style that characterizes someone the most.

HOW DO YOU RECOGNIZE A REFLECTIVE COMMUNICATION STYLE?

Give space and don’t talk about feelings. Someone with a reflective style is task-oriented, values ​​clear procedures, works independently and in detail, needs logic and reasoning to make decisions and thrives in a structured environment.

TOO CONTEMPLATIVE: SLOW

Someone with a contemplative style is also experienced as slow. “You got him again with his love for details.” When you put even more pressure on someone with a contemplative style out of your own haste, he becomes invisible. Withdraws. Let all the violence pass.

HOW DO YOU RECOGNIZE A DIRECTIVE COMMUNICATION STYLE?

Take space and don’t talk about feelings. Someone with a directive style is results oriented, values ​​action, wants others to deliver on their promises, takes charge, sounds decisive, is task oriented and likes the big picture. Doesn’t like what he perceives as ‘posturing and dawdling’.

TOO DIRECTIVE: PUSHY

Someone with a directive style is also experienced as dominant, as pushy. Especially when it’s under pressure. “He doesn’t listen to others, you see, just wants to get his way!” As a result, the unity can disappear. It seems like a strong, enviable style. But in this style we often also find loneliness. People who, because of their nastiness, have lost touch with others.

vAGILITY IN YOUR COMMUNICATION STYLE

How well do you match the communication style of the other person? How agile are you? Being agile has to do with creating an atmosphere of safety, in which the other feels comfortable.

But you’re not going to pretend otherwise. If you usually take up a lot of space in a conversation (directive or expressive style) you will have to learn to sit on your hands to start with. In this way someone else, with a space-giving style (contemplative or cooperative), comes into his or her own much better.

Give space, listen to the other person and control your impatience… Or, if you are used to giving space to others, realize that you can sometimes seem a bit hesitant.